Always, thank you Tracy for lending me your eyes. Sounds kind of
This is the adult version of ‘To Robby With Love.’ It has been requested by many. Hope you enjoy a glimpse of my world.
‘To Robby With Love’ was the lush plush examination of a gay man meeting
a heretofore straight man, who has strong feelings and a desire for men.
The story focused on the meeting and the intellectual side of a straight
man and a gay man meeting with the straight man seeking common ground.
This is the lusty version of that meeting. It’s doesn’t run from
beginning to end, because Robby and I saw each others for the next
‘Robby’s Desire’ retells the meeting in more sensual terms. At the time
Robby would have said he was straight, but he admitted later he’d been
having sexual thoughts about men, since he was a teen.
Living in a culture where affection between men brings your manhood into question, Robby never acted on these feelings. Once he felt the sexual energy passing between us, he decided to see what being with a man was like.
‘Robby’s Desire’ takes you the extra mile into a world of desire he has only dreamed about.
This story is dedicated to Robby, with love
A Rick Beck Story
I went to the gym most days to workout. That’s not to say I didn’t workout with one eye on the guys. It was a great place to meet the men I liked. The fact they included me in their routines made their company that much more enjoyable.
It was just another day and I was ready to give the weights a go, and then I saw Robby. He was losing his lunch, puking on his feet, as I came through the swinging doors.
You might think that isn’t a pretty picture, but I haven’t described Robby yet.
Robby was a strikingly handsome man. In his late twenties, he looked twenty. His hair styled to perfection, medium length and the color of early Autumn wheat.
His head hanging with difficulty between his knees, dry heaves shook his body. His skin was nicely tanned. Even puking on his feet, Robby looked good enough to change my routine.
I looked for the pile of towels that were always in the corner. My mission seemed clear to me. While I wasn’t comfortable approaching someone I didn’t know, under the circumstances, I went ahead.
Grabbing several towels, I knelt before him as dry heaves came periodically. I wiped his feet, and smelled his hair as it brushed my face. Even with the rising smell of spent lunch, he had a pleasant fragrance.
There were several men coming and going from the showers, but they pretended not to see someone in distress. I paid little attention to them. Robby became the only person in my world that day.
He forced his head up to look at his servant. Every fiber of my body was tuned in to him. His face was filled with excruciating pain. None the less, he made a gallant effort to give me a smile. If that wasn’t approval I didn’t know what was.
“Thanks,” he said in a weak voice.
I would love to tell you I was noble and respected him completely, cleaning him up and sending him home, but this is a true story, and I’m afraid Robby inspired something other than nobility in me. When he wanted to be on his own, he’d tell me.
As his face fell back down between his knees, my eyes dropped down before he could block the view again. It wasn’t really a planned response, but a habit you practice even in the worst of times. Robby wasn’t about to disappoint me.
His cock was cut, with a well shaped head and lovely veins making it look like a serious tool. At six foot or six foot one, it wasn’t going to make him tip over but a sudden erection could make him dizzy, and if not him, it could certainly make me dizzy.
I mopped off his lower legs, his knees, and as I got above his knees, he leaned his back against the locker behind him, his thighs spread willingly. His lovely blue eyes weren’t quite half open as they followed the motion of my hand as I mopped pink ooze from his long well shaped thighs.
A dirty blond tuft of hair sat above the thick base of his cock and a line of rabbit tracks were trying to form between there and his belly button, but they were hard to find. His stomach looked flat at that angle and I couldn’t find an ounce of fat on him. His chest was well defined but without bulk. It fit his body perfectly, as did his quarter sized nipples, without distracting from the cut of his chest.
Having no more cleaning to do, I created a new pile for the soiled towels. Taking a fresher one that didn’t look used, I wet it and went back to wipe his chin and neck. Robby closed his eyes as I stood above him, like a mother cleaning her candy soiled kid’s mouth. It was a lovely mouth, as mouths go.
With this he tried to sit up and didn’t have to lean forward this time. The color in his face was improving and the pained look had eased. Our eyes locked for only a second. His eyes were searching mine, and self consciously looked away.
He placed his hand on my forearm, making me look back into his face. It was the touch of someone wanting to make contact.
“I knew when I ate that pizza for lunch it wasn’t too bright. I didn’t eat all day, and then greasy pizza. I couldn’t stop myself and then I raced over here to get in a workout. I’m sorry.”
“We all get caught short. I’m glad I can help you. You feeling any better?”
“I can’t imagine having anything left to throw up. Yeah, better.”
“When you’re ready, I’ll help you to the shower. That’ll make you feel a lot better, but take your time.”
“You’re very kind. I’m sorry to be such a bother,” he said, looking at my face when he spoke.
His voice was stronger.
“You’ll feel better if you cool your skin down. You’re burning up, you know?”
“I know,” he said, still pondering me. “It does seem hot in here.”
Closing his eyes Robby leaned back against his locker one more time. His strength seemed to wane and return as he struggled to regain control over his body. From that vantage point, looking down at him, I felt a strong attraction to him. I knew better, and I wasn’t going to take even a small shot at seducing him. Robby could break a heart in a minute and never break stride.
That said, I was in no hurry to give up the time I had left with him. It wasn’t often I was in the presence of someone so stunning. I’d be his servant as long as he’d allow it, and then we’d go our separate ways.
Helping people was something I tried to do when I could. I didn’t think I should stop helping Robby because I would have gladly jumped his bones. He was still in trouble and I was still in my help-my-fellow- man mode. There was no downside when I looked at it that way.
The afternoon rush hadn’t started and we still had the locker room to ourselves, except for the occasional guy who came and went. If they noticed Robby and I they didn’t say anything, and Robby seemed oblivious to the world around us.
Opening his eyes, he forced another smile.
“I think I’m ready to get up. If you’ll help me to the shower I think I can finish cleaning myself. I know this is way above and beyond the call of duty. I’m Bo… Robby,” he told me.
I held his hand for a few seconds saying, “I’m Rick.”
Helping him to his feet, I realized our friendship was coming to an end. It was then his knees started to bend. With my arm around his waist, I supported him until he could get his feet under him. He leaned his body against mine, letting me supply the legs for this operation, until he was certain his would hold him.
“Man, I’m so weak. If I get to the shower I think I’ll be okay.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said. “I won’t let you fall.”
He was easy to handle, in spite of being somewhat taller than I was. I’ve got to admit, having my arm around him was pretty neat.
I let him go ahead of me, bringing up the rear and getting a good look at him from that perspective. His nice shoulders tapered to a small waist, with his well rounded butt filling the bill and not in the least bit disappointing. Robby didn’t seem able to let me down.
There were some dark blond hairs on the back of his solid legs, but he was smooth except for the few places where everyone has hair. He was built like a long distance runner. His sleek lean lines gave him the look of a thoroughbred.
I stood close, making sure he didn’t lose his balance, but he seemed to gain strength as the water flowed over his skin. I left him alone to wash off the remnants of the bile that towels couldn’t reach. I sat on the bench where I found him, watching him luxuriate in soap. He used it liberally on his balls, in his pubs, and took care to wash the length of his cock, making super sure it was spic and span.
This seductive display of organ care and cleaning might have been seen as a come-on to the guy who couldn’t take his eyes off him, only he never once looked to see if I was enjoying the show. If this was the care he normally took cleaning himself, I wasn’t his first audience.
Standing by loyally, I waited to see if there was any other service I could provide. A simple ‘I can manage from here’ would send me on my way.
He cast a striking figure once dressed. There were few words exchanged as each piece of clothing went into place. I leaned against a locker, watching from the bench beside him. Once or twice he glanced at me, smiling politely, and not seeming to mind.
“How are you?” I asked.
“Okay! Still a bit wobbly. I don’t think I can drive yet.”
“There’s a bar down stairs. We’ll go down and I’ll get you some ginger ale. It’s a sure cure for the stomach miseries. It’ll settle things down now that you’re moving around.”
“I don’t want to take any more of your time. You’ve been so kind to me. I think I’ll be okay,” he said without conviction.
“You’ll be great after a glass of ginger ale. Come on.” I said, figuring he should follow.
The ginger ale was tart and tangy and tickled my nose. We finished up in silence, and I walked him to his car to make sure he got there okay. There wasn’t much to talk about. He got in, shutting the door and looked up at me through the window of his little red sports car- what else?
There wasn’t so much as a good-bye, just his sad eyes in my sad eyes. The engine started as he looked at me stepping back. He shifted into gear and the little red car jumped into the parking lot, heading for Central Avenue. The entrance to the Beltway was a hundred yards away and once on it, he’d be gone forever.
I sighed and was happy to have had a few minutes with him. What a lovely person.
Still listening to the sound his car made, the engine began to back off as he downshifted. I watched the car cut a sudden U-turn. It charged back toward me. I hadn’t moved.
Pulling up two feet from me, he rolled down his window.
“I hate to ask you for anything else. I want your phone number. I want to take you to dinner. You were so nice to me. God! Puking my guts out and you cleaned my mess up. I can’t imagine that. I want to take you to dinner and out on the family boat. Please don’t say no. Let me return your kindness.”
“That would be great. I love the water.”
He was immediately digging in his tiny glove compartment, coming up with a matchbook and ink pen, handing them to me. I wrote down my phone number and he tossed both the pen and the matches back into the glove compartment, where I knew it would never be seen again.
I laughed at the irony but it was the thought that counted. I still felt like a million bucks even if he never called.
I had no doubt he wouldn’t call but that didn’t stop me from sitting next to the phone once I got home from work each afternoon. I did that for two weeks straight. I didn’t go to the spa. I went to work and came home and I waited, hoping.
When the call didn’t come, I wasn’t surprised. It would have been nice, but how long would he remember me? I was smart enough to know the ways of the world, but a guy could dream.
I’d been alone since David left me and there was nothing about dating that excited me. He was the love of my life, my soul-mate. It’s not something you replace or look for. When you find a soul-mater, you celebrate, but searching for one isn’t going to go well.
Loving completely once in a lifetime seemed like a lot to me. It was the end all and be all, when I didn’t expect much in the first place. It didn’t last but that didn’t make it any less incredible. Meeting someone that lit the fire again was unusual, and so a call from Robby would have made the dream a little more delicious, and I did dream about my hour with him.
It was months later, when I came in on the fly, ready for a trip to the spa. The phone jangled and I thought I might not answer. I wasn’t in the mood to talk or I might lose the motivation to go workout. Something said to pick up the phone, and so I did.
“Rick?” I said so the caller had no doubt who he had.
“Rick,” a voice I didn’t recognize said.
“Yeah, it’s still me.”
“How are you?”
“Fine. Who is this?”
“Bob. Robby. You helped me out at the club a ways back. I told you I would call.”
“Oh yeah! Robby. Keeping your lunch down these days?” I asked, sounding like a perfect idiot.
“I never did that before. I couldn’t believe what you did. I’ve been busy with work. We’ve opened a new store, and Dad put all the work on me. I’m working twelve hour days, but I’m off this weekend, and I was hoping we could go out on the boat. First I’ll buy you a nice dinner in Annapolis. Something you like, and we’ll cruise the Bay this weekend. What do you think?”
“This weekend?” I asked, as if I might be too busy to go.
“Yeah! I don’t know when I’ll be off again. I made the old man give me the time off. I should have checked with you first but I didn’t know he’d agree.”
“Sure, this weekend will be good. I’d like that.”
“I was afraid you’d be busy. I’ve thought about calling you. I’m just so tired all the time.”
He was leaning on his car when I got there. He was in faded jeans with one knee ripped some. His arms were folded across his white T-shirt. There was a white baseball cap pushed far back on his head. The veins in his biceps were vivid if not bulging.
His smile radiated through the darkness. Never had jeans and a T-shirt looked so good. His tanned face made him look healthy and fit.
We ate at the marina restaurant. He told me he was tired, having worked since dawn before racing to Annapolis. I don’t remember the meal but the company was wonderful. He spoke softly, asked questions about me, thanked me again for helping him. He was casual and relaxed. I wanted to tip the table over and pounce.
At times the back of his hand brushed the back of mine at the small table. He either didn’t notice or wasn’t made the least bit uncomfortable over our skin to skin contact. Of course I’d done everything but orally copulated him at our last meeting. I wanted to feel guilty for having enjoyed our physical contact, with him being laid so low, but I couldn’t, and if I hadn’t we might not be here.
An hour after he signed the check at the marina restaurant, we were riding the waves on the Chesapeake Bay. The weather wasn’t the best for a night on the Bay. Robby suggested we find an inlet and anchor until the morning, when the rain would have passed us by.
He knew where he was going and we were safely anchored in a quiet cove a few minutes later. It was warm enough we could sit on deck in our shirtsleeves, listening to the water washing against the hull and the night sounds from the land surrounding us.
What a spot.
We made small talk and the mood stayed casual, until he had reached the end of his day.
“I’m exhausted, Rick. Why don’t we turn in. We’ll get an early start in the morning. Do you mind?”
I didn’t and I followed him below into the rear cabin.
“Top or bottom?” Robby asked, as his words amused me.
“Top. I like the top,” I said, realizing we were talking sleeping arrangements.
I kicked off my shoes and pants and jumped up top so I could watch him undress. The soft light was furnished by two battery driven hurricane lamps on the walls. He stood five feet from me and stripped off the T.
His golden skin shinned in the lamplight. He may have worked all the time, but no doubt he spent some time on the Bay with his family. He dropped the faded jeans to his ankles and his cock hung free of restraint.
This wasn’t a view I’d expected or was ready for. If he missed my interest in his not entirely soft presentation, it wasn’t my fault. Nothing had changed, except it more arched over his low hanging balls than hung with them. This made his cock head seem fuller. I remembered where the most vivid vein was but the light was too faint to find it.
I took it all in as he turned to fold his jeans and T-shirt, carefully arranging them on a chair. He bent to slide his shoes and socks out of the way, and I swooned. My dick throbbed.
It was going to be a long night.
Had Robby been less of a nice guy, I might have jumped down to take advantage of his cherry bend over surprise. His looks and perfection were a good reason not to. While I didn’t know if he knew what he was doing or not, the idea he’d succumb to my desire was folly.
While he wasn’t completely soft, I was completely hard. He knew he was nude as well as I did and it didn’t seem to bother him. He may have been exhausted, but he was no hurry to move out of my line of sight.
It was a little like being in someone else’s movie. What the hell was I doing out in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay on some strange guy’s boat, ogling his beauty as he flaunted it? Of course, had I a body like his, I’d never wear clothes.
He turned and looked directly at me. I may have blushed at being caught watching him, but he didn’t seem to notice. No one could be that oblivious to the obvious.
“Hows about a beer. Beck’s, Polly Girl, or Molson?”
“Beck’s,” I said without hesitating. “Dark if you have it.”
“Of course I do.”
He once more turned on me, heading for the galley.
“I put them in the freezer compartment before you came. I hate hot beer,” he said, handing me my beer.
I sipped my beer as he disappeared into the bunk below me. The lamps still burned and there was the pleasant sound of rain above me.
Relaxing came naturally. The Beck’s cooled my lust and wanton desire. It was just the rain, the gently rocking boat, and the mellow taste of a good beer. The silence made me think he was asleep. He had told me he was tired. Sweet dreams.
I entertained the idea of jumping down and sliding into his bunk with him, but swimming back to Annapolis wasn’t my idea of a good time. Him being naked made me squirm.
“You ever think about doing it with a dude?” Robby said, as if he was in deep contemplation on the subject.
I nearly fell out of the bunk, spilled my beer, and didn’t know what to say. There was that whole swimming thing.
“What do you mean?” I said to make sure.
“Having sex with a guy? That day in the gym, when I was sick. Well, straight guys don’t give a shit even if their buddies are sick. You cleaned my mess. You cleaned me. There was all this sexual energy all around you.
“I was sick as a dog, but I felt you so clearly.”
“You want to know if I’m gay?”
“I think I know you are gay, but I don’t know if you would be interested in me?
“I’ve thought about it for a long time. Before what happened at the gym happened, but then I had an opportunity to talk to someone about it. Talk to you about it. More than talk. Would you do it with me?”
“Robby, having sex with you would be a dream come true. You’re so hot my shorts are on fire.”
Robby stood up out of his bunk. The fatigue was no longer apparent on his face. He leaned his chin on the back of his hands. I could hear him thinking as he checked the fire in my shorts with his eyes.
“I’ve thought of it a lot. I mean I fooled around when I was a kid. You show me yours, I’ll show you mine. Everyone did it. Then I got into girls, and I’m engaged and all, but I’m still thinking about you show me yours and I’ll show you mine.
“That day at the spa. The way you touched me. The way you looked at me. I just felt this was the time to find out, but I don’t know how to ask a guy. I’ve done the day dreaming. Wet dreams. Had my fantasies. Everyone has fantasy. Then you came along and the fantasy seemed more real.”
“You’re so damn elegant and proper,” I said, putting my hand on his smooth cheek. “That’s a compliment. I’d love to do whatever you want to try. I’m still in shock at the moment but yes I will.”
By this time he had his hand on top of my hand as I felt his face. I was ready to jump down so we could get into his bunk, but instead, he jumped up into mine. If Robby was playing me, he was Oscar material. He blended his body into my arms.
At first he shook and shivered like a small frightened animal. It was a release of emotion held back by years of denial and suppression. Our physical contact opened the flood gates. Once again all the evidence said that Robby was honest to the core. The physical contact overwhelmed him in a way you couldn’t fake as your first time or as something you’d dreamed about but never done.
There are always guys who can fool you if they work at it, but Robby was refreshing, open, and I never got one hint he wasn’t being honest with me.
The release of emotion didn’t scare or discourage him. We were soon kissing with as much of his body pressed against as much as my body as possible. I wasn’t required to do much as Robby set the tone, wrestling me out of my underwear in short order. The only motive was to have nothing interfering with our skin to skin contact.
His heart pounded against my chest. He breathed heavily in my ear between kisses, which came in flourishes. He held me like he was afraid of falling and rested his face against mine between kisses. Then returning to a growing intensity that seemed destined for orgasmic bliss.
I felt a mixture of exhilaration and trepidation. It was a life altering moment for me because it came out of a dream. Being with Robby came with a built in intensity. At the same time, when that kind of intensity ran through me, I’d ordinarily be thinking thoughts of love, manifested by my reckless abandon, but I’d been around long enough to know better.
Incredibly, because of David, all the feelings I had for Robby, I had every night with David. From the first date he slept in my arms, until our final night together, when he got up out of my arms for the final time, when it was over.
Yes, the nature of love meant thinking about him, when I was with someone who made me feel a certain way. It wasn’t a comparison or a substitution I made in my mind when I was with other men. No, it was a reflection on what love was and how exquisite it could be, even if the current encounter probably didn’t measure up.
That was endurance. With Robby I was invited to visit his world for a couple of days. I was the doorway, the light, the answer to his prayer, not because I was any great shakes, but because I was gay, which was what Robby needed that weekend. There were no illusions and revisiting feelings from my past wasn’t out of bounds.
Robby served to light the fire in a way no one had since David and I went our separate ways. What it means or how one person can do this, when no one else can, is what makes life the mystery it is.
I learned that I loved David over time. At first I liked him a lot. I enjoyed being with him. We liked all the same things. He liked being with me, and we seemed to fit like hand and glove, especially when he slept in my loving arms. This was a good outcome.
Once you achieve it, you can spend a lifetime looking to repeat it, but how many times in one lifetime do you expect you’ll find true love? I figured I beat the odds with once and I couldn’t imagine anything that good coming my way again.
Anything I have to say of love, comes from my love of David. Had I not come his way, or he come mine, I’d never have known true love, the unabridged version, and then Robby would just have been a guy I bedded once.
I’d been born inside a tornado, (Gay Boy Running), where I learned to be a survivor. Once David was gone, I did what came naturally. I survived.
Regardless of anything else Robby was, he was a lover of men, and he loved me. Oh brother, did he love me. These are the moments you mark and they make life sweet.
All of this may seem a long way from the Chesapeake Bay, but not so far. I couldn’t get there before being a hundred other places first. Having a mind that collects everything to be sorted out later, means spending time to do the collecting, and Robby gave a lot to be considered.
For Robby, one wasn’t enough, or two or three. Little time passed in his transition to the next thing on his list of things to do. He reloaded and was ready before I was sure, ‘…what round is it anyway?’
I’d never been with someone so prolific as him. Probably driven by emotion, too much wasn’t enough yet. I was a trooper, rising to the occasion, duty bound to satisfy him. He would not go away without having the experience he wanted first.
There were no limits or inhibitions about whatever came next. Give him a minute before he was leading the charge. He had his chance and he was making the most of it. I’d stick with him until the cows came home if need be, which is a neat trick on a boat in the Bay.
His body twisted and rubbed against mine, leaving a trail of sticky fluid as he gave himself to the discovery of a side of his sexuality previously kept in hiding.
I slid my fingers around his girth. The sticky fluid ran down both sides, giving me a slick lube to assist in stimulating him.
I squeezed. He moaned. His kisses became more passionate. He felt my dick and our bodies were glued together. If it was possible for it to be better than I imagined, it was. Mostly it was because he was so innocent and so ready to keep advancing the activity. There was no “enough” when it came to Robby.
I felt his substantial balls as he made access easy on me. Feeling behind his ball sac, his legs moved to offer me maximum access. Moving my fingers all the way back to just under the tight rosebud, he immediately maneuvered it onto my fingers before pressing desperately to get one past the tight ring of muscle. His passionate kisses didn’t indicate any apprehension on his part.
He shifted his legs until they were tangled up in mine, forcing his cock against my stomach, moving in slight motions that pushed his rosebud onto my finger, gradually easing it inside. This gave him cause to moan as he squirted my stomach and chest with cum.
‘Drat,’ I thought, as his body shook and the cum ran down into my pubes, off my side, and onto the bedding. He thrust his dick into my skin, pushing his ass down on my finger, moaning, he whispered softly into my ear, “Fuck me.”
The idea that he might be done was replaced by the feeling I hadn’t seen nothing yet. I’d underestimated his capacity. Now that it was possible, he intended to get to all the fantasies he could only dream about before.
Robby was just getting started.
“Let’s move down on my bunk. Sorry I made such a mess,” he said apologetically. “I didn’t know I was going to do that. It just went off before I realized how close I was.”
“You’re incredible,” I said.
“I am?” he questioned, not sounding sure.
He waited for me to get into the lower bunk. Following me in, he put a knee on each side of my waist, easing his ass down as he held my dick up at an angle he liked.
His cock only bent slightly from his outrageous orgasm, but it was enough so the head touched my belly as he eased himself down, down, down, until he was sitting on my balls. Once there, he sat silent, having all of me inside him and the most amazing look on his face.
“I’ve got a guy’s dick up my ass,” he said, as if it was something he’d contemplated more than once and now he knew this was what it was like.
He spoke as if I wasn’t there.
‘Excuse me while I borrow your dick,’ I thought to myself, admiring his immersion in the activity.
Even in his self-realization, the honesty of our circumstances was in his voice. He seemed well adjusted to being stuffed with a dick before he slid off in a well executed motion, rolling onto his side, and then guiding me back inside.
“Fuck me,” he said, pulling my arms around him so my body pressed up against him from the rear.
We danced the dance of love. It was impossible for me to be as prolific as he, but I was determined to make sure he never forgot his first time. I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget it either, but there was little chance of that.
Controlled desire is a delicate proposition. I never wanted it to end, but my ability to work in low gear, while being with someone who set me on fire, was limited. Once I began, my motion could only increase, as I felt the velvet glove of his ass holding my dick firmly as my mind slipped down to the point of entry. He had my complete attention.
Reaching around to make sure I got him all the way hard, I found more evidence of his ardor. He was once more hard as stone. Thick with passion, his dick pulsed each time I buried myself to the hilt.
Squeezing his raging erection, he moaned and leaked, proof of his love. He shoved his excitement through my fingers before forcing his ass back down on my dick, setting up a most admirable motion. He had the kind of devotion most men can’t muster once they climb up on their first dick. If this was Robby’s first time, he was a natural.
Once more the fluid ran out of him, around my fingers, lubricating my hold on him. I became lost in the frenzy of loving how he gave in to me. I’d never been with a guy who wanted to be loved more than Robby did. He gave in to his lust. This was a ride he’d been waiting to go on and now he didn’t want to get off.
“Fuck me,” gushed out of him between moans.
He forced his ass harder down on me. He gushed air and cum as he couldn’t wait any longer. Even in the dim light, I could see him shooting jets of sperm out into the room as moans shook him and his ass pulsed around my dick in quick, powerful jerks.
Holding on tight, I was soon catching up with him, not wanting him to get off me before I’d reached the promised land.
It seemed like he wouldn’t be satisfied until I was. I was sure he’d want to contemplate what we’d accomplished that evening. It took little effort to have a most marvelous orgasm, as he slowly relaxed back against me.
Robby kept his body pressed against mine as his ebb and flow was mostly flow.
Resting my face against his smooth fragrant neck, he took this moment to intertwine all of his fingers with all of mine, pulling my arms tight around him in a hug I completed with relish. We’d done what he set out to do and he hadn’t jumped up and set sail for shore, or suggested I make a fast withdrawal from his bank of love.
“You okay?” I asked, not wanting to move or risk changing the mood.
“I can’t describe how good you make me feel.”
“Did that answer any of the questions you had?”
This wasn’t as easy. He squeezed my hands, I kissed his neck softly, and we lay together, connected and quietly recovering from our encounter. I didn’t expect anymore and I was prepared to go in whatever direction Robby indicated he wanted to go. What we’d done was so much more than I expected, I couldn’t want for more or expect anything but whatever was on his mind.
It was his coming out party.
“Do you want a beer?” Robby asked. “My throat is parched. I didn’t drink anything all day.”
“Sure,” I said, waiting for him to release my hands so I could unravel myself from around him.
He laid perfectly still for some time before he spoke again.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, easing out of my arms and off my drooping dick.
I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’d been with the switch hitters who wanted to go for an inning or two before going back to what they loved. You never knew when they’d had enough or when the next time you’d see them they’d be fully dressed, made uncomfortable, after the loving was done.
It wasn’t for me to tell them how much they needed and when they’d gotten all they needed before heading back for the other team. It was as varied as the men I’d known. Some were abrupt and simply said, ‘got to go,’ but I wasn’t on their boat. Some wanted to hang around just to prove it wasn’t just about the sex, which it was. These were the guys you never heard from again.
Robby was his own man, and while our evening wasn’t done, I had no way of knowing when enough was too much. He kept coming back, kept making me feel like he wanted to be in this place with me, doing what we were doing.
I needed to be careful, but I was. I might have been infatuated with the lovely man he was, but I was no fool. The lucky thing was knowing men like Robby, or similar in their inability to seek out what it is they want. They live on the other side of the divide and can see where they want to be, wanting more than anything to check it out, but don’t for too long, which makes the doing all the more frantic and immediate, until they realize they’ve had enough to last them a while.
I was there with them for the moments they wanted to be there with me, but often there was only so much time they wanted to devote to playing on the other team.
This was the first time I was ‘really’ with Robby, but it wouldn’t be the last. It wasn’t even the end of our first evening together, as we’d make the most of the night.
Robby could last a few months, always working, or so he said, in between the times he had a need for my services. There he’d be at my door with the front of his pants swollen out in a suggestive announcement of his desire. That told me all I needed to know when he showed up.
He was always ready to rock and roll when he arrived. The shorter the ceremony before we got naked the better for him. He never stayed the night and I never asked why and I didn’t ask, ‘when will you be back.’
I live in a world that seems to thrive on sameness. Anything different or unique is suspect or at least suspicious. Men who can love men aren’t always gay, and I suppose that’s where the bisexual part of the LGBT equation comes in.
But there is bisexual, ‘hi, I like both. What do you like?’ and then there is the, ‘I love women, but there is this part of me that visits late at night in the dark, and it is called desire. I desire men without loving men or wanting to love one.’
We spend a lot of time defining whom is who. It may all be well and good, except there are always people who see life different than the next guy. There are those guys that are bold as brass and proud as a peacock about who they are, and then there are those guys who are fearful and don’t want to take the risk, but have no less desire for the touch of another man and especially his hard demanding cock.
I am for you all. Whoever you think you are is fine with me. You want to spend a night with a guy, or a lifetime, good for you. One thing is for certain, we need more love and far less of whatever it is that is going around now. Love ‘em if you’ve got one, is my motto.
No, it wouldn’t be the last time I saw Robby. I’d never let myself fall in love with him, but I did love him. I loved being with him. I loved his smile, the way he made me feel, and who he was as a man.
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