Chapter 15 

Naked Soul         

          I don't know why I wanted to be in Ty's arms, but it seemed right.  The texture of his skin was beyond any softness skin had given me until then. He held me gently, as if I were fragile.  Our nakedness kept me awake most of the night.  I thought a lot about sex -- wanting to have it with Ty.  I was attracted to him in a big way!  A few hours before he had scared hell out of me, and now he was my protector.  Life is confusing.  He seemed so relaxed and slept so soundly that I finally drifted off to sleep.     

          The sun was shining in the window, lighting it all around.  The curtains were thick and old, but they couldn't deny the daylight that was on the other side.  Ty slept on, and I once again let my fingers stimulate him back up to the size I remembered.  It was then he moaned and rubbed himself up my leg and onto my stomach as he pressed his body against mine.         

          "You are fucking with trouble," he said, his eyes still closed.        

          "I thought you said you weren't interested in sex any more."      

          "When I'm dirty and grubby and feeling like shit, I'm not.  Now I'm clean and shiny and you are getting me really turned on."  He opened his lids and glared in mock menace.          

          "Sorry.  I like holding it."       

          "So do I."  He glanced down. "Quite a dick I got.  It's the best part of me.  We can take turns.  I'm not selfish with my pride and joy.  Even the cleanest young men want to have it."     

          I stroked him a couple of times and he moaned into my chest.  I used both hands and he moaned some more while watching my ministrations.   He held his balls and the bottom of his shaft as I used my hands near the top.  His hips rolled him up through my fingers.

          "I'd love to fuck you," he said.        

          "Don't even think about it."   

          "Just a thought.  Good way to break the ice, but I think we better get up."   

          "Why?"       

          "Because you don't want to get it up the rear end.  I'll just waste a load with you pulling on it.  I might score this morning, or this afternoon. Can't tell when someone might want it. Don't want to give away a freebie right now.  I could get to liking giving freebies to you!"  He grinned across at me.  In bed, we could be face to face.   "I don't want to get to liking that.  Can't be giving nothing away when you can be a sellin' it."         

          He stood beside the bed and yawned and stretched.  It sagged just a bit, but it still hung within six inches of his knee, and his thighs were long and thin.  They absolutely shone in the light coming in around the curtains. His color was breathtaking, like a shiny piece of fine furniture, each line cut deep and with perfection.    

          "Thanks," he said.        

          "For what?"         

          "The room.  Sleeping with me.  I like you."  He looked hard into my eyes for a moment.   "A lot?" 

          "Feeling's mutual, but you still can't shove that thing up my butt no matter how nice your are to me.  Won't fit."    

          "I'd make it fit.  I'd make you love it while I made it fit.  Might take a couple of days, but you'd never go back to white boys."  

          "That's what worries me."     

          He jumped back onto the bed and we wrestled for a few minutes.  He acted like he was trying to get it on my ass, but he never really did.  He stretched again and stood looking at himself in the mirror.  He flexed the tight muscles that rippled the whole length of his body.  There wasn't any fat on him.  He was very thin at the shoulders and waist, but every muscle pressed against the skin to show off.  His thighs had the lithe, springy looking muscles that a dancer might have.

          "Damn nice looking nigger, don't you think," he said, turning to admire his magnificent ass by running his fingers down over the cheeks.      

          "Damn nice looking man," I said.    

          He shook his head and went back into the shower.  He stayed and stayed like the night before.  I wondered if he thought he could get clean enough to wash away what he knew.  What he'd seen.  What he'd done.  I wonder about stupid stuff sometimes.  Thinking about him trying to wash it all away made me want to cry.         

          The street was moderately crowded at noon.  We ran into Harvey, Don, and Gene at the bottom of the block.  Harvey did his usual, running out in front of cars, waving like he was nutso.  Then acting like he was real normal when he got to us.     

          "You better hang low, dude.  Fucked that guy up, Ty.  Broke his jaw.  The cops came and cleaned out the mattresses.  Took me in.  I was too fucked up to run."   

          "What did you tell them, Harvey?" Ty asked, pressing Harvey against the wall with his face against his and his hand knotting up his shirt at his neck.  Harvey looked like a toy against Ty.  As narrow as Ty's shoulders were, he completely covered Harvey's body with his.   

          "I told them the truth.  I ain't gonna lie to the man.  I told him they was up there making a drug deal.  Some big nigger, twenty five or thirty, was selling them crack.  He tried to rip the black dude off.  The black dude stomped his ass.  I just told them what happened.  I told them I thought I'd seen the guy dealing down on Market, but I heard he was an L.A. Blood."      

          "Thanks, Harvey.  Sorry I couldn't help you.  Thought I should help the kid.  You know the routine, he's a fucking virgin."  

          "Good thing.  They'd've had him on a bus he stayed there.  Almost got Gene and Don.  They went up and over.  Cops couldn't follow them.  Don was carrying his pants.  His ass was hanging out from what I hear."        

          "How you doing, kid?" Harvey said, without being able to see me.        

          "Okay," I said.     

          "You seen this boy's dick.  Man he's got one you should look at!"

          "Shut up, Harvey," I said.      

          "Yeah!  Shut up," Ty echoed.  "I don't need you advertising to no kids for me.  I only do men.  Not boys.  I'm not like you.  Doing everyone."       

          "Shit!  You know you're proud of that thing.  Biggest one on the block for sure.  You're the man.  Where'd you get so clean?  Look at that fucking hair."

          "Motel.  Econo.  Kid sprung for a room.  I took care of Barney's buddy.  We got a week."       

          "Can we shower.  Just Don, Gene and me.  We'll keep it quiet."   

          Ty looked at me.  

          "I don't care.  As long as you don't get us thrown out."       

          "It's cool.  Barney don't mind a few.  We'll have to cut it off after them. I don't want Sharon up there.  She wants to bring tricks up.  I can't deal with that," Ty said.     

          "I've seen some of her tricks!  I don't want to see any more," I said.     

          "Fucker could punch," Harvey said, holding his jaw.   

          "Not any more," Ty said, and laughed.  "Not any more he don't fuck with no little kids."         

          We went to the diner and ate.  Ty put up the ten he got back on the room, and I put in ten.  We all got pretty full.  We stopped and I bought donuts to take to the room.  Ty said he had business and told me to take the guys back for a shower.  Barney looked out through the glass as we passed.  I thought he was going to say I couldn't take them up, but he called Harvey over and jingled his pockets at him.  Harvey followed him into the office.          

          Gene turned the television on right off.  The snow was a little less dense. The blizzard was over.  Don lay back on the other bed with his shoes on and his hands behind his head.    

          "Thought you guys wanted to shower," I said.  

          "See, Gene.  Told you he'd want to get us out of our clothes."     

          "Fuck you, Don."

          "Do you want me to shower first," he said, "maybe wash my back for me."    

          "Fuck you," I repeated realizing it was a dead end I was going down.  

          "Boy's got a set of lips on him," Gene said, pulling on the front of his pants looking at Don.  "You ought to take him up on the shower thing."       

          Don jumped up and grabbed Gene from behind trying to wrestle him out of the chair.  Gene just sat staring into the tube.  Don went around him and sat on one of his legs and started to rub the bulge in his pants.  Gene spread his legs and continued staring into the screen        

          "Fucking little kid is talented," Gene said. 

          "We never did get done last night.  Fucking cops broke it up just when I was going to nut.  Still haven't done it.  I was looking for an alley or something before we found out about the room.  Maybe we can work something out here.  Maybe I'll just wash your back, Don."         

          "You're all talk," Don said.    

          Gene stripped as we watched television.  He was hard as a rock when he pulled off his pants and underwear in one motion.  He pulled them down to his shoes and socks and pulled them all off at the same time.  He sat two feet from the television jacking himself off.  I watched Gene.  He seemed to absently stroke or pull himself all the time.  Don leaned on his arm and watched him stroke himself.  His cock was still thick and red, but I could see it a lot clearer with the lights on in the room.  He had a small patch of reddish hair around it.  Even his hand didn't fit all the way around it. The same smell of sex I smelled in the boarded up hotel I now smelled in the motel room.  My own lust was rising just looking at Gene.  I focused on the television.     

          There was a knock at the door.  Harvey slipped in and closed it behind him.

          "Boy never quits.  Did you ever have any other toys Gene.  Damn thing gets bigger every day."          

          "He's mine first," Don said.    

          "Go for it, I just finished up," Harvey said.  

          "I don't want him."       

          Donnie pulled up Gene's shirt over his head and threw it on the floor.  He stood behind Gene and rubbed his shoulders and chest.  Harvey stripped down to his underwear and laid on the second bed.  I tried to watch what was on television, but I didn't even know what it was.  Both of Gene's hands worked as he now stared at himself as well. 

          "Let's take a shower," Don said.     

          "I don't know, Don.  I'm almost ready now.  I don't want to stop.  I'm still working on last night."

          Don smacked Gene's head. "I'm ready for a shower.  Come on!"  

          Gene was a foot taller than Don.  He stood up and his dick looked obscene on his skinny body.  His skin was white as snow.  His nipples were tiny brown spots.  His arms were like pipe cleaners and the only body hair I could see was the inch above the round fat meat that looked red and raw. Gene went into the bathroom and Don stripped and left his clothes at the door. Harvey was snoring by the time the shower came on.  I could hear laughing and giggling above the sound of the water.  I stared at the television and dosed off.   

          I woke up with Harvey pulling the covers down on the bed.         

          "What the fuck you doing?"   

          "They are using that bed. I want to sleep.  I was up all night."    

          Harvey had taken off his clothes and slid down under the sheet.  He threw his arm across my chest, snuggled close, and was snoring in only a minute or two.  The lights were out and Gene and Don seemed to be sleeping in the other bed.  I drifted back off to sleep.          

          We watched music videos and ate jelly donuts when we woke up.  Donnie worked on the cable connection until he got a clear picture.  There was a knock at the door, and Tony and Tim were waiting outside.  They pushed in past Harvey.       

          "Damn!  I need a shower.  Glad you guys got a room," Tony said.          

          "Who's in there now?"  

          "No one, but I'm next," Harvey said.  "You and your boyfriend have to wait until I'm done.  Don't worry.  No one suspects anything about you guys. Just don't drop the soap Tony.  I think I've seen Tim watching that tight little ass of yours"       

          "You want you should get your lights punched out, fag boy?" Tim asked, stepping around Tony.      

          "Cool it.  You guys want to fight take it outside.  I'm keeping this room," I said.     

          "We'll wait for Harvey to finish.  We can shower at the same time," Tony said, ignoring Harvey.

          "I heard they caught Donnie last night," Tim said.     

          "No.  They went over the roof.  They know how to get away from that place easy," Harvey said.        

          The shower ran constantly and Bryce and Gil showed up a few minutes apart. I was sure Sharon would show up, but no one had seen her.  Tim and Tony went in at the same time and closed the door.  They were the first ones to think of privacy.  As quick as they came out, Bryce and Gil went in.  I was wondering if everyone did everything in pairs.  It was almost the same way people had teamed up the night before.      

          When the last shower was over, I took my bag into the bathroom and made the deposit into my sock bank.  I carried the bag back to the bed and threw it near the nightstand.  Harvey sat leaning back in the chair watching music videos, and the three other boys slept like rocks.  I stepped out onto the balcony and felt the cool shade on my face.  I breathed in the fresh air and thought about which way to go.  I tried not to think about the guys I'd become associated with.  I knew what each of them was like.  I saw what each of them liked to do.  I knew what they looked like naked.  I thought about being in one of those beds with them taking turns with me.  I pulled my crotch and hurried past the window where I knew Barney sat, watching the comings and goings.  I wanted to stop thinking about sex, but the longer I was without someone to hold me, the more compelling the images in my brain were. I thought about which one I would like it with best and which one would be the most fun.  I crossed up into the gay district with my hands stuffed deep in my pockets, watching my feet.       

          I went back to the diner for more coffee.  I walked for an hour and stopped at each of the streets where Earl had told me to stop.  I went back in the diner as the afternoon was starting to darken.  I sat and drank more coffee . I thought about the motel room and wondered what I was missing.  I really didn't want to do anything with any of them, but I wanted to watch them do it with each other.  I drank my coffee and stood up.  I felt closed in.  I dropped some change on the table, and the big man in the almost clean apron nodded, looking at me under his eyebrows without humor in his face.      

          I walked up the block.  I hadn't crossed Haight yet.  I knew the name from tapes I'd seen about the hippies and acid freaks of years ago   I heard the street signs were often missing.  Everyone wanted to remember it, and they took a piece with them when they could.  I knew not to go to Golden Gate Park.  Earl warned me most about that place.  It was where the street kids died several times a year.          

          "Hey, kiddo," Ty said.  "I was looking for you.  They said you just went out.  Went to the diner.  What's up?"

          "Nothing. Just thinking."       

          "About what?"    

          "I don't know."    

          "I think about that a lot.  There's a free concert tonight.  Up in the park.  Couple of bands are playing.  Want to go with me?"         

          "Sure.  I thought the park was dangerous?"     

          "No.  Not when there's something going on.  Everyone will be up there.  It will be happening tonight."     

          "What about the room?"        

          "Only Tim and Tony were there when I was there.  They were sleeping.  Everyone else has gone.  It's cool.  They know not to fuck up when we have a room.  Tim and Tony are cool anyway.  They don't do tricks, so it makes them okay.  Tim would kick ass to keep it straight for us."         

          "How do they survive?"         

          "Sharon.  She takes care of them.  They take care of her.  I'm beginning to wonder about them though.  Tony's always mooning over Tim, and they're always together."      

          "They said they are straight," I said. 

          "I saw them do shit together last night. Touching each other."    

          "Sex is sex, kiddo.  They wouldn't even look at each other the first couple of weeks.  Now they cross the line from time to time.  I think Tony's gay. It's just the way he looks at Tim.   Watches him."    

          "I don't get it."    

          "That's okay.  You don't have to get it.  Let's walk up to the park.  The bands will be setting up at dark.  We can look at the shops to waste time. I can look at all the stuff I'm going to buy when I score big.  I got a guy wants me to do a film for him.  Says a couple a hundred to take a dude and a chick around the world.  I think I'll like it.  Money sounds nice.  I scored twenty this afternoon.  Glad I didn't let you ruin me for the day.  I'd never've left the room if I hadn't gone when I did.  I mean wouldn't have left you. You put crazy ideas in my head, kid."

          I looked up at him trying to figure out what he was talking about.  I mean I knew the picture by now, but I never knew when anyone was serious or joking around.  I couldn't get heated up like Tim and want to jump someone about it, but I still felt like I should know when people were joking with me.  He smiled and mussed up my hair.  He kept his hand on my shoulder as we walked.   

          "You wear a strange size shirt, don't you.  You're body is so long.  It must be hard finding them to fit.  Where do you get them?"  

          "Big and tall when I got the money.  This one came from a trick.  A guy that took me out.  He wasn't nearly as big as me in the arms, but I roll the sleeves up.  It's just an extra long, sixteen neck.  The sleeves are never long enough.  I roll them.  You can't buy forty-inch arms off the rack. Don't exist.  Maybe in a basketball players' clothing store."

          "You play?"         

          "I did.  I was a mean outside shooter.  Six foot one when I was twelve.  I couldn't be stopped going to the hoop.  I was a mean mother fucker, kiddo."         

          "Can you call me Billie Joe, Ty?  I'd like that better."          

          "I'm sorry, Billie Joe.  I forgot you're old enough to be my, what, big little brother."          

          We walked together until I spotted what I was looking for.  I sent him across the street for some ice cream cones.  I went into the big and tall shop and spotted a soft baby blue shirt that looked like it would be great on Ty.  I paid twenty-three dollars and was standing out in front as he dodged cars trying to get back across the street.  He handed me my Rocky Road double scoop cone, and I handed him the bag.    

          "What's this?" he said.

          "Thank you."       

          "Thank me for what?"  

          "Last night.  Last night again.  This morning.  Letting me touch you.  I just felt like I wanted you to have a nice shirt for the concert."       

          Ty handed me his coat and took off the worn out brown shirt he had on.  He rolled it up and put it in the bag as he took the new shirt out of the wrapping.

          "My color.  I look dynamite in blue.  How'd you know?"        "I'm thinking of being an interior decorator.  I looked at your fantastic skin, and I saw a blue shirt making you look like a million and a quarter. Thanks for last night.  I didn't mean to crowd you this morning.  I never been with a . . . .  Well, I'm curious.  I'm curious about everything, and thanks for putting up with me."    

          "Crowd me?  You're funny," Ty said.  He did a hook shot with the bag at the first trash can.  It hit precisely in the center of the can.  He changed hands with his cone and put his arm across my shoulder.  We walked up the hill and sat on the first bench we came to.  He pressed his leg against mine and looked at my face and kept his arm on me.  It was different.  I knew we were liking each other a lot.  I knew that twinkle, and his beautiful white teeth, and that smile made him so handsome!  The blue shirt did set off his mahogany skin.  He carried his coat so the shirt could be seen.   

          We could hear the music playing after awhile.  First it was warming up and playing short quick parts of tunes I thought I recognized.  One band was bluegrass, and the other was rock and roll.  We stood in a crowd of several hundred people.  Ty stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders.  I leaned back against him and closed my eyes remembering someone else that stood behind me just that way.  I liked Ty.  I owed Ty a lot.  I didn't love him, nor was I dumb enough to think loving him was a possibility.  I liked him touching me.  I loved not being standing alone.  I loved anyone that kept me from feeling alone.  As it cooled off he crossed his arms on my chest and held me to his body.  I felt warm and safe with Ty. He seemed to need to protect me.  His touch contained an intimacy that made me dizzy.         

          The music was loud and pretty good.  The people came and went.  A lot of the kids were there.  They passed and looked hard at Ty and me.  Some nodded and others pretended not to see us.  Harvey stood fifty yards away and looked at us for most of the concert.  I didn't see Don or Gene.  I thought I saw Tim, and figured Tony was close.  Sharon was with two guys.  Her hair was clean.  I suspected she'd visited a room in an Econo Motel.  I hoped she wasn't there tonight.  I did hope the guys were there.  I wanted a repeat of last night without the risk of being exposed to anyone that came by.  I knew Sharon would bring trouble, and I intended to tell Ty I wouldn't have it.       

          When the last music had played and the crowd started to leave, I turned and burrowed my face into Ty's chest.  His body was so warm.  He held me and we stood together in the dark.   

          "We better get out of here.  This place isn't safe," Ty said.

          It was midnight when we walked back down the hill.  We stopped and drank coffee.  Clean apron ignored us.  I wondered if he had a home.  He was always there.  Ty ignored him.  We took the same table in the back of the narrow diner.  Harvey stood outside the window and made faces.  Bryce came by and stood talking to him.  I didn't see any of the other kids.

          Ty kept his hand on my neck as we went back toward the room.  Tim and Tony were in the second bed.  No one else was there.  Ty undressed me and stretched out on the bed beside me.  He kissed my stomach and laid his head there.  I fell asleep with him like that.            

          I woke up in the pitch black.  I could feel Ty lying on the sheet.  I could hear something from the other bed.  It took a couple of minutes for the little bit of light to allow me to see Tim kneeling between Tony's legs.  He grunted real quiet as he worked on him.  I could just make out the lines of his chest.  It was thick with muscle.  He held Tony's hips and slid in and out in a moderate tempo.          

          "Don't you do it inside me, you hear.  I don't want that shit in me!"      

          "Hush up.  You'll wake 'em up.  I'm almost there.  Quit worrying.  I know how to do it."    

          "Just you pull it out before you do it."     

          Tim snorted as he tried to answer.  He gulped some air and I heard him jacking himself off, but I couldn't adjust my eyes to see him doing it.  His breathing echoed through the room.  He continued to rub himself against Tony's ass, moaning real soft.        

          "Okay.  Okay. Get me a towel.  Wipe me off.  You owe me now.  Don't try to go back on it."        

          "I said I'd do it.  Shut the fuck up for crap's sake.  I wish I'd just gone to sleep," Tim said.

          He left the door to the bathroom open when he brought back the towel. There was light coming through the window.  Tony's ass was in the air, and Tim wiped it down.      

          "There.  Happy?"

          "Not until you blow me.  I'll be real happy then."       

          "Tomorrow night you blow me."     

          "Right after I fuck you.  That's the deal.  Get to work."       

          "Fuck you.  Horny asshole.  I don't know why I let you talk me into this shit, Tony."

          "Cause you're a horny asshole just like me."     

          "I guess.  Better than Sharon.  She's getting like fucking a melon.  No feel to it."   

          "Do you eat the melon after you fuck it, Tim?"

          "Always.  Makes a man of you.  Puts hair on your chest."    

          "That's where you got all that hair."        

          Tony was perfectly still with his hands behind his head.  He watched Tim as he licked at the head.  Little by little he started to suck him off.  Tony lay without moving, and only his breathing changed.

          "You cum in my mouth and you'll never cum again, asshole."       

          "Fuck.  I was just getting ready to nut.  Now you fucked it up.  Oh well. Just got to start over.  I got nothing but time.  Less teeth, will you.  I want to use it again."    

          "Fuck you."          

          "You never get enough do you Tim.  Gonna have to put you out on the block with these other boys."        

          "Fuck you."          

          "I love it when you talk dirty to me.  Suck my dick, Tim."   

          Tony grabbed it out of Tim's mouth as he pumped himself up to a finish.  He was mopping himself off before he stopped shooting.  Tim pulled the sheet up and lay back down before Tony was through.  Tony turned his back to him and faced the other way.  

          A few moments later, the door opened and closed.  I thought it was Harvey and Bryce.  They immediately lay down on the floor in front of the other bed.  Ty still slept soundly on top of the sheet.  He was too big to move and it was too cool for me to lie alone on top of it, so I put my arm on his chest and pulled myself close before drifting off.