Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
kissed the girls and made them cry;
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away.
Georgie Porgie sighed. He knew he wasn’t popular, but he didn’t know why. With his parents owning the town bakery, he thought he would be the most popular kid around, but it hadn’t worked out that way.
He stuck his thumb into his third pie and pulled out a plum. He stared at it.
“Can you tell me what I have to do to be popular?” he asked the plum.
When it didn’t answer, he ate it. Eating was something he did whenever he wanted to think. His idea was that the food would fuel his brain and ensure his thinking was at its absolute best, which, to be honest, wasn’t really that good.
Georgie also ate whenever he was upset, or depressed, or happy, or worried, or bored. In his view, eating was one of life’s great pleasures — it cancelled out the bad thoughts and enhanced the good ones. His mother called him her little teddy bear, but most of the kids at school just said he was fat. Georgie tried to tell them that he was just big boned, but none of them listened.
His second-most favourite food in the whole world was pies. Meat pies, fruit pies, even vegetable pies. He tried a mud pie once, and while he didn’t think it was as good as the others, he couldn’t bring himself to refuse. Knowing his fondness for that style of food, his mother had baked an extra special pie for his twelfth birthday — a massive pie made with four and twenty blackbirds that was big enough for everyone at the party. In other words, it was big enough for Georgie, his mother and his father.
But Georgie’s absolute favourite food was bread and butter pudding. Since no one else in the family ate it, Georgie always managed to get third or even fourth helpings of his favourite dessert.
Alas, there was one thing that Georgie wanted even more than food. It had taken him sixteen years to reach that point, but Georgie Porgie wanted a friend.
One night at dinner, Georgie asked for help. “Mum, Dad, what do I have to do for the other kids to like me?”
Georgie’s parents looked at each other. They frowned.
Georgie’s dad peered over the top of his spectacles. “Why don’t you ask your friends? They’ll have a better idea of what young people like than an old man like me.” Georgie’s dad tapped nervously on a small toy drum that had been Georgie’s when he was one year old.
Georgie’s mum smiled sweetly. “You’re a wonderful little… uh… big boy. I’m sure the others just need time to get to know you.”
“Mum, they’ve had ten years. Dad, I don’t have any friends. That’s why I’m asking.”
Georgie’s dad did what he normally did when Georgie asked a difficult question. “Ask your mum.”
Georgie’s mum did what she normally did when Georgie asked a difficult question. “Have another piece of pie.”
Not wanting to appear ungracious, Georgie took another piece of caramel and banana pie, with the meringue and extra whipped cream on top. There was silence at the table while he chewed.
“Don’t forget to give the dog a bone,” Georgie’s dad told him as they finished eating.
Georgie tossed the dog a lamb shank and then went for a walk. Round and round the garden he went as he thought and thought. He thought so hard that he almost didn’t notice the first star of the evening. When he spotted it shining through the leaves of the sycamore tree, he had an idea.
“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.”
For a moment, Georgie considered wishing for an endless supply of pies, but then he focused on his need of the moment. “I wish I could do something to be popular with the guys at school.”
He waited, but nothing appeared to happen. Disappointed, he headed back inside. His mother stopped him as he crossed the kitchen.
“Would you like a piece of herb bread, Georgie? I’ve just finished baking it.”
Georgie sniffed and then smiled at the beautiful odour. “Sure, mum! What’s in it?”
“Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.”
Georgie stuffed a large piece into his mouth and chewed. As usual, it was delicious. That was when Georgie had another idea.
The next day, he carefully packed his bag for school. He had decided he needed to be more proactive and not wait for the other kids to come to him. When he walked through the school gates, he kept his face calm as the other kids taunted him.
“Look! Georgie Porgie just rolled up! If we give him a push, he’ll probably roll back down the hill again.”
“Hey, Georgie Porgie! Didn’t anyone teach you to take the food out of the fridge before you eat it?”
Georgie ignored them. He moved to the centre of the yard. Without fanfare — he’d tried to organise a brass band, but there were none available at such short notice — Georgie put down his bag and flung open the top. An aroma immediately began to spread.
“What’s that smell?” Mary asked, holding her nose.
“Bread and butter pudding,” Georgie said proudly. “Would you like some? It’s really good.”
Mary sneered. Her contrary nature meant she never followed anyone’s suggestions. She certainly wasn’t going to admit that she liked what she smelt. “More like bat and butt pudding. And I’m talking bat guano.”
Georgie’s face fell as, one after another, all the other kids rejected his favourite food. His grand plan to worm his way into everyone’s good books by supplying gourmet food was a complete failure.
That night he went to his room early, telling his mother as he finished off his fourth pie – potato and tomato, with grated parmesan cheese on top — that he wasn’t hungry, and lay on his bed staring at the ceiling.
The door opened and his mother entered. “Is there something you want to tell me, Georgie dear?”
Georgie Porgie shook his head. He didn’t see how his mother could help him.
She went over and kissed him on the forehead. “Don’t worry, Georgie. People will learn to love you for who you are. I know I do.” She kissed him again.
Georgie smiled. He always liked his mother’s kisses — they made him feel special.
The door had just closed behind his mother when another idea struck Georgie. Not wanting to get his hopes up too high, he considered the idea carefully, but he couldn’t see any flaws in it. It should be a sure-fire winner.
The next day, Georgie got up early and, to make sure he was the first one at school, made the ultimate sacrifice: he only had one pie for breakfast — apple, with a couple of cloves and a touch of cinnamon.
Georgie was waiting inside the gates as the other kids started to arrive. Putting his plan into action, he stepped up to the first person, a girl by the name of Celine.
“What do you want?” she asked, sneering.
He didn’t reply. Instead, he grabbed the sides of her head and pulled her in for a kiss. He then let go and gave her a tentative smile. Everyone likes to be kissed, he thought.
“Eww… boy germs!”
Georgie’s face fell. His plan wasn’t working.
He was surprised, then, when she grabbed him and kissed him back. Several long seconds later she let go.
“Yep, boy germs. Yuck!”
Georgie stood there in shock as Celine winked and ran off. Unfortunately, she didn’t look where she was going, and tripped over a rock and skinned her knee. She started to cry.
Georgie was about to step forward to help her when Jill walked into the yard.
Jill looked at Celine and then glared at Georgie. “What did you do to her?”
Georgie tried again. He stepped up to Jill and kissed her long and hard. When he finished he stepped back and waited, his fingers crossed.
Jill burst into tears. “I hate you! How can I stay with my boyfriend when you’re such a better kisser?”
Georgie’s gaze started to dart nervously around the yard. While things were better than before, they weren’t going quite as he had planned.
Just then a busload of boys arrived. One of the boys with a brown-paper bandage on his head, Jack, headed over to speak to Jill. Several of the other boys started to kick a soccer ball around.
Jack marched over to Georgie. He looked angry, though Georgie thought that might have been because he was hurt. The crown of Jack’s head looked like it had a very nasty bump on it.
Jack grabbed Georgie’s shirt and pulled him forward until their noses were almost touching.
“What did you do to Jill?” Jack growled.
Georgie leant forward and kissed Jack. His mother always kissed him better when he was hurt, and he hoped that would work with Jack, too.
Jack let go, a stunned expression on his face. “Wh…what did you just do?”
Georgie thought for a moment. He smiled as he realised his mistake. He stretched up and kissed the bandage on Jack’s head. “There, that should make it better.”
Jack staggered away, throwing back one puzzled look at Georgie. Georgie was disappointed; he had hoped for something better than that.
Just then, the other boys’ soccer ball ended up at Georgie’s feet.
“Don’t touch that ball! I don’t want your germs on it.” Peter, a tall lanky lad with bright orange hair, ran up.
Georgie thought about it. If Celine didn’t like boy germs, maybe Peter wouldn’t mind, since he was a boy and presumably already had boy germs. Jack hadn’t appeared upset — or at least not angry.
When Peter started to stoop to pick up the ball, Georgie stepped up and kissed him full on the lips.
Georgie stepped back and waited.
Peter looked stunned. Moving like a robot, he picked up the ball and tossed it over his shoulder towards the other guys.
“Hey, Peter, what are you doing? Why aren’t you coming back to kick the ball around?”
Peter smiled at Georgie before looking back at his friends. “Sorry, guys. I’ve found a new game to play.”
Without further ado, Peter grabbed Georgie and kissed him hard. When Peter let go, Georgie was panting.
“What do you think you’re doing, Peter?” Trevor asked. “That’s Georgie Porgie.”
“That, Trevor, is the absolute best kisser in the world,” Peter replied. “You try him, and you’ll see. You’ll never kiss another person as long as you live, I promise.” Peter glanced around at the other guys. “You all try. This is going to be the greatest game ever!”
Georgie peered around at the eager faces and decided that it might just be possible to be too popular. He started to ease away.
“Hey, don’t go, Georgie,” Peter said, reaching out to try to grab Georgie’s arm.
Georgie turned and ran away.
It was only the distraction of a girl nearby screaming something about a spider that allowed Georgie to give the boys the slip. He ran out of the school gates and down to his parents’ bakery.
“What’s the matter, Georgie dear?” his mother asked.
Georgie was panting hard and it took a few seconds before he could answer. “The boys were chasing me. I don’t want to go to school today!”
Georgie’s mother glanced over at Georgie’s father before smiling. “Okay, dear. You can stay here for today. There’s some freshly baked fruit mince pies in the back room. Why don’t you try some?”
“Thanks, Mum!” Georgie went straight to the pies, while thinking that his mum always knew the best way to cheer him up.
He failed to close the door properly, though, and stiffened in shock when he heard Peter’s voice coming from the front of the shop.
“Hello, Mrs. Porgie.”
“Hello, Peter. Shouldn’t you be in school?”
Georgie crept up to the door and peered through the gap. He could see Peter nervously running a hand through his hair.
“I should, and I’m going back, but there’s something I need to do first. I was hoping you’d be able to bake a cake for me — a special cake.”
“Certainly, Peter. What sort of cake would you like?”
“A pumpkin cake, if you can — I love pumpkins — but can you mark it with ‘G’? I want it for my new best friend, Georgie.”
“Georgie didn’t mention he had a new best friend.”
“Well… I think I might have scared him this morning, but I really want him to be my friend, and I thought a cake would do it. What do you think?”
Georgie stepped out of the back room. “A pumpkin pie would be even better.” He smiled. “Would you like to share one?”
Peter rushed forward, grabbed Georgie — which frightened him — and then kissed him long and hard — which made him feel better. “I’d love to, Georgie.”
From that day on, Peter was always with Georgie.
The only downside was that Georgie didn’t get to eat anywhere near as much food as he had been accustomed to. Peter kept his lips too busy to eat more than necessary.
Copyright Notice — Copyright © February 2007 by Graeme.
The author copyrights this story and retains all rights. This work may not be duplicated in any form — physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise — without the author's expressed permission. All applicable copyright laws apply.
Disclaimer: All individuals depicted are fictional, and any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.
This story first appeared as part of the Gay Authors 2007 Fairy Tale Anthology.
I would like to thank Rain from The Mail Crew for editing this story for me. I can thoroughly recommend their website to all teenagers who are gay, lesbian, bi or not sure.