of the Wicked Boys
“You need more sex.”
So much for diplomacy.
Rafael was in his leotard and tights and leaning against the table in the basement studio as he watched Jeremy dancing before him. He had turned off the tape recorder and Jeremy was standing in the center of the dance floor, breathing hard, hands on his hips, as he looked at the smiling Rafael in shock.
Dinner was over. Brian had left after the two brothers had hugged, and Rafael and Jeremy had changed into their leotards and tights, Jeremy saying he needed to be properly attired tonight. Rafael had been showing the younger boy a dance created by Alistair Mountjoy, the director of the academy and a choreographer for Ballet of America. Called the “Dance of Joy” from his ballet, Ode to Life, it was an energetic and challenging piece designed specifically to spotlight the abilities and strengths of danseurs. Jeremy had been attempting it, but Rafael was shaking his head. He was also rigidly hard. Unlike before, Rafael wasn’t uncomfortable about his erection being so obvious within his dance belt and tights. He wasn’t flaunting it. He wasn’t deliberately hard. It had just happened, but he wasn’t trying to suppress it. He was just letting it be. Jeremy noticed it, however, and seemed uncomfortable. Rafael watched as his eyes kept jumping back and forth between Rafael’s face and his crotch.
“What do you mean, I need more sex?” Jeremy asked defensively.
Rafael grinned and said, “Jeremy, you’re an excellent dancer. You have all the technical stuff down. For that to improve, all you need is more experience and growth. But, there’s something more that the “Dance of Joy” needs, this special, indefinable something that almost can’t be described. Watch me.”
Rafael reversed the tape a few minutes and then started it again. He stepped out onto the floor as Jeremy stepped aside, and then, he began.
For several minutes, he performed Jeté, Pirouette, Arabesque, running, gliding, spinning, leaping with grace and elegance and...something else.
He stopped and smiled as he caught his breath. As he walked back over to the table and turned off the tape, he asked, “What did you see different about how I did it?”
Jeremy thought for a moment and said, “You really seemed... alive. You seemed... so energetic and... into it.”
Rafael looked down at the front of Jeremy tights and smiled. He pointed. Jeremy blushed and looked up with irritation and confusion.
“What? You said this happens all the time,” he declared defensively.
“It does,” Rafael replied with a smile. “But, why? I mean, why did you get hard this time? Was there something about what I was dancing or the way I was dancing that made you hard?”
Jeremy glowered and demanded, “What are you trying to say?”
Rafael smiled comfortingly at him and walked toward the mirrored wall. He moved the barre out of the way and then turned to Jeremy and said, “Come here.”
Jeremy walked over uncertainly and stood facing Rafael, who placed his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders. He looked into the boy’s blue-gray eyes and said, “Jeremy, I want to be your friend. I want us to work together and live together and be the best, closest friends we can be. We’re partners, and all that means that you and I won’t have any secrets from each other. I want you to be able to tell me anything, and I mean absolutely anything, and not be embarrassed. In return, I want to tell you absolutely anything and know you won’t think less of me or hate me or be disgusted.”
Jeremy had had this discussion before, with Benji, and he remembered how it had ended. Was Rafael coming on to him? He was hard, quite visibly hard, just as Benji had been when he had started this discussion. In fact, Rafael had been hard almost the entire time they had been down here in the basement. Rafael’s erection was one of the reasons for Jeremy’s. It was hard not to get hard when another guy was hard right next to you. Was that what Rafael had been getting at when he asked what was different about the way he had danced? Surely not.
Rafael could sense the suspicion and unease in the younger boy. He smiled and turned Jeremy around to face the mirror. Standing behind him with his hands still on his shoulders, he softly asked, “When you look at yourself, what do you see?”
Jeremy felt a rush, a frightening excitement and his chest grew tight as he looked at their reflections in the mirror, his eyes roaming back and forth between Rafael’s feline face with his dark, thick, shiny curls to Jeremy’s strong body.
“I don’t know what you mean,” he breathed.
“Describe yourself,” Rafael replied.
Jeremy frowned and said, “Well, I’m five feet two inches tall and I weigh a hundred and four pounds. I have red hair and light blue eyes and freckles across my nose and my cheeks. Um...”
Rafael shook his head and said, “I don’t want a clinical report. I could read that on a medical chart. You know what I see? I see a spunky and rambunctious guy with pride and courage. I see a beautiful young man with the most stunning copper colored hair which sort of curls over his ears and forehead. You have such impressive legs, with the hottest quads and strong calves and thighs. You’ve got a strong torso and sturdy arms. When you dance, you’re exciting and alive. And, I see an erection that makes you look so powerful and sexual and sensual. It’s so hard right now, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Jeremy breathed.
“I see a beautiful, sexual, vibrant young man,” Rafael said. “I see a boy becoming a man with all the power and strength of a man and the beauty of a boy. You’re sexy and sensual, Jeremy. You really are.”
He ran his hands over Jeremy’s chest and stomach as he spoke and he could feel the boy shivering. His hands slid down near Jeremy’s erection and down his strong quads and he whispered in Jeremy’s ear, “I’m surprised you don’t see it, Jeremy. You’re hot. You are one hot, sexy, beautiful guy.”
Jeremy shook his head and replied, “No, I’m not. You’re just saying that because you want me to like myself. I’m not sexy and hot. I look dorky and... goofy. The kids at school always make fun of my red hair and my freckles...”
“No!” Rafael replied forcefully, almost like a rebuke. “You don’t think that. Never! Ever! You are beautiful. Smile. Give me a full, toothy smile like you mean it. Now look at you. Isn’t that pretty?”
Rafael frowned and asked, “Don’t you turn yourself on?”
Jeremy looked up at Rafael as if he were crazy. Rafael smiled and nodded as he asked, “Haven’t you ever looked at yourself in the mirror when you were naked and gotten off on yourself? Haven’t you ever beaten off looking at yourself?”
Jeremy was blushing fiercely and looked away as he replied, “Well, maybe. I don’t know. It’s embarrassing.”
“Look at me,” Rafael said. “Not in the mirror. Look at me. Look me in the eye.”
Jeremy did as Rafael commanded and the teenager said firmly and forcefully, “You are never, ever embarrassed, especially not with me. Do you understand?”
“Rafael,” Jeremy replied angrily. “I don’t understand why you’re doing all this! What are you getting at?”
Rafael looked down at him with pity and love and concern as he said, “Well, first of all, you’re a dancer, Jeremy. You are never embarrassed. You are never self-conscious. You want people to look at you. You want people to watch you, to see you, to desire you, to lust for you. There is no place in your mind or body for embarrassment or self-consciousness. You are always on stage. You are never embarrassed. Now, tell me. Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror when you were naked and masturbated? Have you ever gotten off on yourself?”
Jeremy struggled not to appear embarrassed as he forced himself to answer strongly, “Yes, I have.”
“Good,” Rafael replied. “There’s a reason I’m doing all this. I’m not being a pervert, although a lot of people might think so, but there really is a point behind all this. So you got off on yourself. What is it about you that got you off? What was it that made you cum?”
Jeremy swallowed, still blushing fiercely, but answered strongly, “I like my muscles. I like my legs. And... I like my red hair.”
“You really don’t hate your red hair, do you?” Rafael replied. “You like it. You think it’s hot, don’t you?”
“And, you think you have a sexy body, don’t you?”
Jeremy nodded again.
“You like your muscles, don’t you? They make you hard. You get off on your legs and your arms, don’t you?”
Jeremy nodded and breathed, “Yes.”
“You really do get off on yourself, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” Jeremy replied with a sexy, almost lewd quality.
Rafael looked down at the front of Jeremy’s tights and smiled at the throbbing, thick, boyish erection pointing upward inside the dance belt. He smiled knowingly at Jeremy and said, “This is what I’m getting at. This is the point behind all this. This is what was missing from that dance. This is what’s missing from all your dancing.”
“You want me to be sexy when I dance?” Jeremy asked with surprise, though his voice was still thick with his innocent, inexperienced lust.
“Not overtly, no,” Rafael replied. He turned around and faced the mirror, his own erection, thin and long, pointing upward in his belt and tights.
“You know what I see when I look at myself? I see a panther, sleek and feline and muscled and ready to strike or ready to love. I see a strong, lean body with hot, sensual curves and dark eyes that look right into you and take you over. I’m masculine and feminine, both at the same time. I’m sexy. I’m hot. I’m beautiful.”
He looked at Jeremy, whose face was flushed as he unconsciously covered his erection with his right hand, more feeling it that hiding it. Rafael smiled and said, “I’m not being arrogant or stuck up. I’m just being honest. People think I’m fucking beautiful and they’re right. I am. I know that. It’s part of me. It’s part of who I am. I’m a fantastic dancer and I am fucking hot as hell.”
He paused and then added, “And, when I go out on that stage, I know it.”
Recognition dawned in Jeremy’s eyes and Rafael continued, “I know I am beautiful. I know women out in the audience are looking at me with lust. And, the men, too. I know it. And, it’s a turn-on to me to know when I’m out there dancing that they see and appreciate my beauty, not just the beauty of my dancing, but the beauty of my body. And, knowing that infuses a certain quality to my dancing.”
Jeremy nodded in understanding and Rafael added, “When I said you need more sex, what I meant was that you have to think of yourself as a sexual, sensual being, as a beautiful young man, as a sexy young man. You have to be narcissistic and exhibitionistic. You have to love yourself and want to show yourself off. You’ve worked damned hard to get this body and, damn it, you want people to see it!”
Jeremy nodded even more confidently as Rafael said, “Now, I’m not saying you turn into a pole-dancer or Gypsy Rose Lee or something like that. Ballet isn’t crassly sexual. It’s elegant, gracious, graceful. But, there is always, always, an element of the sensual in everything we do. Dance is sensual.”
Jeremy was smiling and nodding. Rafael looked off as he said, “Dance evolved from mating rituals. It grew out of sex. Animals have definite mating rituals. There’s a bird in Asia with bright, garish, intense colors and magnificent plumage and the males line up to audition for the females and they dance for them and the winner gets to mate with the female. Humans have always had these rituals. In the eighteenth century, when the aristocracy had their formal balls and the men and women lined up to do the minuet and other dances in rigid, formal manners, those were mating rituals. The young, unmarried people weren’t allowed to touch in any way except... when they were following these rigid, formalized dances and I can tell you, that a look in the eye, the touch of a hand, the accidental brushing of one cheek against another would send a woman into a swoon or make a man cum in those tight pants.”
Jeremy nodded and breathed, “Yeah.”
“So, I’m not telling you to be slutty on the stage. I just want you to be aware that we are beautiful and sexy and graceful and elegant and sensual when we dance. Even in a fight scene, we have a strong, feline strength and sensuality. Sex and dance are intertwined so as to be indistinguishable.”
Jeremy smiled and then said, “Maybe Uncle Jimmy was right.”
“What do you mean?” Rafael asked with curious grin.
“He would tell me that dancing was the devil’s way of making people think impure thoughts. He said it was the devil’s doorway.”
Rafael laughed and said, “Maybe it is. I guess Uncle Jimmy must have been doing a lot of dancing in secret.”
Jeremy laughed and Rafael said, “So, we’ve established that you get off on yourself, haven’t we, Jeremy?”
Jeremy nodded with a bashful grin.
“And, we’ve established that you want people to see how beautiful you are.”
“Yes,” Jeremy replied strongly.
“So, let’s try that dance one more time.”
Jeremy nodded and Rafael walked back over to the table, reset the tape player and turned it back on. Both boys stood facing each other and when the music began, they began to dance.
They were almost like cats circling each other before fighting...or mating. They moved with grace and speed, jumping and leaping around each other as the glorious music declared the joy they were feeling. Jeremy was almost weightless as he pirouetted and then leaped across the floor. Rafael felt more alive than he had since dancing in London. As the music soared, so did the boys. As the tempo quickened, so did their leaps. As the music stretched towards it’s finale, the boys reached for their own exultation.] It was a glorious moment and when the music came to a triumphant crescendo and fell into silence, with both boys standing before each other, feet turned out one before the other, one arm outstretched, the other raised high, their eyes met and more than victory and joy passed between the two.
Jeremy was controlling his breathing as he slowly dropped his arms and declared, “God, that was better than sex.”
Rafael grinned as he walked over to the table and turned off the tape player, asking, “What do you know about sex?”
“I know about sex,” Jeremy replied.
Rafael opened the small refrigerator and poured two glasses of water as he asked, “How?”
Jeremy blushed and he hesitated for only a second before he replied, “I’ve done it with Benji a couple of times.”
Rafael smiled broadly as he handed one of the glasses to the younger boy and replied, “Really? Cool. Benji’s cute. Not as cute as you, though. I’m surprised, though. I mean, with Jimmy Dale being so... well, maybe I’m not surprised.”
Rafael cocked his head and asked, “Did Jimmy Dale ever...”
“Oh, no!” Jeremy replied with horror. “At least, not with me. And, I’m pretty sure he never did anything with Benji. Just from the way Benji seemed to not know how to do anything.”
Rafael grinned and said, “Ah, so you were the one who started everything?”
Jeremy blushed and shook his head, answering, “Not really. It was kind of mutual. One night, not long after I started living there, Benji thought I was asleep and I heard him beating off. And, then I waited until he was asleep and then I beat off. Well, we did that for a few days and then I started beating off with him and we never said anything about it. We just beat off by ourselves at the same time. And, then Tuesday night...”
“The night that, um, well...”
“I was gonna kill myself over by the river and Benji found me and stopped me in time.”
Rafael frowned and Jeremy continued, “Anyway, that night, I guess Benji was feeling close to me because we started talking about it when we went to bed and then we stood up naked and beat each other off and kissed.”
“It sounds sweet,” Rafael said softly.
Jeremy smiled, but then said, “Benji kind of freaked out after and the next morning, the morning you came by the first time, he wouldn’t talk to me until you got there.”
Jeremy grinned and said, “He thought you were hot.”
“Yeah?” Rafael responded with a grin. “What did he say?”
Jeremy grinned and said, “He said that he could see why I had such a...”
He stopped and blushed severely as he turned his head away.
“Why you had such a what, Jeremy?” Rafael asked gently.
Jeremy looked into Rafael’s eyes and softly asked, “You swear that I can say absolutely anything to you and you won’t get mad, or get embarrassed, or think I’m weird or silly or perverted or... anything?”
Rafael felt his moment of triumph. He had broken down the wall around the boy he had fallen for. As he looked into Jeremy’s blue-gray eyes, he reached out and touched the boy’s smooth cheeks with the tips of his fingers as he replied, “You can tell me anything, Jeremy.”
Jeremy glanced up at Rafael’s dark eyes and then looked away. The teenager gently touched the boy’s face, ran his fingers through his hair, and smiled. Jeremy was looking away when he pressed his lips together for a moment and then said, “He said he understood why I had such a crush on you.”
Rafael gently turned Jeremy face toward him and smiled down into his eyes before he said, “You have a crush on me?”
Jeremy nodded, their eyes meeting, before he said, “I always have. Ever since the night I saw you at Nutcracker. I know I was only seven, but, you looked so... cool and... pretty.”
He turned away, blushing, and said, “I know guys aren’t... pretty, but...”
“Yes, guys are pretty. Guys are beautiful. You’re beautiful, Jeremy, and I’m glad you thought I was beautiful. I’m glad you felt that way at the age of seven.”
Jeremy looked up and said, “When you talked to me that night at the reception, I... I looked at your hair and your face and... everything and you looked just so... perfect... and the way you danced was so...”
A wistful look came over Jeremy’s face. “You were trying to talk me out of becoming a dancer. I know it. I saw you look up at Dad. But, then you said how dancing was the most important thing in the world to you and how you couldn’t live without it and I understood. I knew what you meant.”
He swallowed and with an almost worshipful look on his face, he added, “You’re the reason I became a dancer.”
Rafael put his hands of Jeremy’s shoulders and pulled him to him. He slid his hands around to the boy’s back as the two of them hugged gently, Jeremy’s face against Rafael’s chest, Rafael face in Jeremy’s hair, both breathing in the essence of the other, both as rigidly erect as either had ever been.
Rafael closed his eyes. When he had embraced men or fellow students back in New York, it had always been he submitting to them, the others taking charge in a purely physical act in which Rafael was dominated, in which he had reveled in their strength, in which he had been beautiful for them and they were strong and powerful. With Stephen, it had been the same—Rafael desperate for love and approval giving himself to the man. Now was different. He knew he and Jeremy were going to make love. He knew it. This was different. He didn’t feel compulsion. He didn’t feel he needed to be debased, as with Stephen. He didn’t need to be dominated, as with the other dancers. He simply wanted to share his love with Jeremy.
Jeremy sniffed and softly said, “The first time I ever masturbated was that night. I was so hard watching you dance and when we were talking afterward. So hard, and when we got home and I went to bed, I started feeling my dick, wondering why it was so hard and why it felt so good and I was thinking about you and... well, it just happened. And, I’ve been thinking about you when I beat off ever since. I never thought, I never really believed that I could ever tell you this, that I could ever say how I feel about you. I mean, you’re Rafael Colon. You’re the best dancer to ever come out of Greensburg Ballet School. You’ve won competitions, you’ve danced with Ballet of America, you’re...”
“Just a guy who loves to dance as much as you do and who thinks you’re the coolest, prettiest guy he’s ever met,” Rafael interjected.
“You really like me?” Jeremy asked, his face still buried in Rafael’s chest.
Rafael nodded against the top of his head.
“I saw you dancing with that lawn mower. The way you made those turns at the end of each row of mowing were so graceful and your body was so beautiful and your face and eyes and hair and freckles. I fell in love with you, Jeremy. That morning. Sitting in your bedroom, I fell in love with you. I had to fight myself not to just kiss you on the mouth and tell you right then. And, when I thought I had fucked everything up and destroyed everything over Jimmy Dale, I... I wanted to kill myself. And, now... well...”
He put his finger on Jeremy’s chin and gently nudged his face upward. Just a couple of inches separated the two boys’ faces as he whispered, “I love you, Jeremy.”
Jeremy’s eyes were moist as he whispered, “I love you, Rafael. I always have.”
Rafael closed his eyes as he slowly moved his lips to Jeremy’s. Gently, they touched as Rafael brought his hand up to Jeremy’s face and held it. He kissed and then pulled back slightly before leaning down and kissing again. Several times he did this before kissing and pressing harder.
Jeremy breathed in Rafael’s breath through his nose and felt the older boy’s strength as he held him. Rafael’s other arm held him tightly and he could feel the teenager’s iron-like erection pressing against his abdomen. Rafael’s hand slid down Jeremy’s back and enfolded one side of his rear as he pulled Jeremy tightly against him. Rafael lips parted as he pulled at Jeremy’s lips and both moaned softly before the older boy pulled away.
He gazed down into Jeremy’s eyes and whispered, “I’ve never felt like this before.”
“Me neither,” Jeremy whispered.
Rafael knew that Jeremy was more naďve and less experienced than he, that the boy was innocent of the ways of the world, that he was strong and had gone through almost intolerable pain and loss and had survived, but he was still fragile.
“Jeremy,” he whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you and maybe we’re too young to know we’re in love, but I don’t think so. Romeo and Juliet were fourteen, maybe thirteen. You’re twelve, I’m fifteen, but I love you.”
Jeremy nodded and whispered, “I know what you’re saying, but I know how I feel. I’ve always felt this way and I feel it more now. I can’t believe that you would come back to Greensburg and want to rescue a kid like me that you had met only once in your life. I mean, that makes you so special I just can’t say. And, then, for you to fall in love with me, I can’t believe it.”
Rafael smiled and nodded before a slight grimace came over his face.
“I have to be honest with you about something, Jeremy,” he said softly to the boy. “I’ve been with a lot of guys, men from the Ballet, guys from the Academy, maybe a dozen total. I’ve been...”
He looked away and said, “My stepfather used to do stuff to me and we... had lots of sex and... well, he was not very nice to me sometimes and I’ve become kind of a... well...”
He looked back down at Jeremy with pain in his eyes and said, “I thought you should know. But, I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. You’re so sweet and you’re so dedicated to dancing and to being good and... you’re so hot and sexy and beautiful...”
Jeremy smiled and whispered, “I don’t care what you’ve done before. I’m so sorry you had to go through that with your stepfather. I promise I won’t ever be mean to you. I love you, Rafael.”
Rafael felt tears in his eyes. The sweet boy didn’t realize that Rafael was trying to reassure him, and instead, Jeremy was reassuring Rafael. The boy was as pure of heart as anyone he had ever met, probably more so.
Rafael released him and stepped back. Jeremy’s arms fell to his sides and he looked up at Rafael with innocence and love. The teenager could see him trembling, though, and he knew that the boy was overwhelmed with the feelings going through his mind and body. The boy needed release and then they could talk, hug, love each other.
Jeremy looked at Rafael’s beautiful face. He couldn’t believe this moment was actually happening. For years, he had dreamed of this moment, fantasized about it, pictured standing before the stunning young man, kissing him, holding him, loving him; and now it was happening. He didn’t know what to do. Fortunately, Rafael did.
The older boy smiled and reached forward with his right hand, his eyes still locked on Jeremy’s, and placed it gently over the firm, unyielding, upward-pointing rise in the front of Jeremy’s tights. Jeremy audibly inhaled, but his eyes never left Rafael’s and the object of his desires held him, not moving, merely holding his boyhood.
Rafael stepped forward, once again wrapping his left arm around Jeremy and placing his hand firmly on Jeremy’s butt, pulling the boy tightly against him as his other hand continued to hold his erection through the tights. He leaned down, gradually bringing his lips to Jeremy’s and kissed him. Slowly, his hand began to fondle Jeremy’s erection and the younger boy’s breath became ragged with arousal. Both boys moaned quietly, though Jeremy became increasingly plaintive as Rafael pushed his tongue through the boy’s lips and into his mouth. Jeremy whimpered and only seconds later, Rafael felt the boy’s body stiffen. Jeremy’s face jerked away from Rafael’s and as his body quaked in Rafael’s embrace, Jeremy fiercely climaxed, laying his head against Rafael’s shoulder, moaning, whimpering, crying softly until the spasms ended as quickly as they had begun.
Rafael released Jeremy’s erection and slid his hand up the boy’s back, holding him tightly. With his face buried in Jeremy’s hair, he quietly said, “I love you, Jeremy.”
He could feel Jeremy’s deep breaths against his chest as he held him. He could feel Jeremy relaxing against him, giving himself to Rafael. He had held men and boys before and men and boys had held him, but none had felt as Jeremy did. None had conveyed just through leaning against him and melting into him in this manner the way they felt with such simple eloquence.
After a long moment, Rafael nudged Jeremy’s head with his chin and the boy looked up at him.
“Let’s go to bed,” he whispered.
Jeremy, his eyes on Rafael’s, smiled and nodded.
“I love you, Rafael.”
“I love you, Jeremy.”
“I don’t care what people think anymore. I’m a dancer and I love dancing and being a dancer. And, I love you and I want the whole world to know.”
Rafael’s eyes became moist as he smiled and replied, “Me, too, Jeremy. Me, too.”