Chapter Five.
We had purposely avoided using the available technology. We could have used webcams to talk together, but we didn't. Somewhere along the line we had decided not to. Our relationship had had its highs and lows like any other, and we had argued, often about silly things, but each time the conversation came around to meeting in person we had decided, unanimously, not to. Both of us felt the feelings we had for each other would somehow be sullied by taking that step. Our relationship was based on ultimate trust, the trust of one warrior for another, a warrior in spirit, a warrior in fact, but not a warrior in reality until now.
and then there was Nick.
I simply couldn't handle the emotions and began to hyperventilate. Martin hadn't said anything since he had called me 'Seraph', just continued to passively swing to and fro, watching me. He didn't react when I stood up abruptly, other than raising an eyebrow.
"Gotta go to the toilet," I said, which was feeble, but honestly the best I could do under the circumstances. I walked past him and through the big room, pausing at the doors. I could hear the others all having a great time in the pool and felt rather saddened I hadn't really got to know them.
I knew deep down that running was stupid; I knew I was as safe as I could be, and with friends too; but Martin's revelations had torn away a part of my self-esteem. I hadn't wanted to use the webcam because I'd thought Son of Neo would never live up to the perfect image I had of him in my mind. He'd probably be a dweeb or a spaz, or worse still. I was so damn shallow; I started to choke up.
I needed time to think, and had to come up with a plan of some sort and soon. I turned left down the corridor and called the lift. The doors opened instantly so I walked in and pressed 'lobby.' Nothing happened.
"Please enter code." The lift's voice surprised me. I hadn't noticed the keypad and certainly didn't have a clue as to the code to enter, so rather than getting caught and having to explain why I was leaving, I thought I'd try the door next to the lift, which logic said would be a stairway. I was reaching for the door handle when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun around, startled.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." It was the older of the two boys who had been lying on the couch together. I struggled for his name.
"JJ?"
"No, I'm John, JJ's my other half." He smiled and instinctively I liked him.
"It looks like you're leaving then."
"Uh
yeah."
"Sure it's a good idea?" He didn't pressure me; he just stood there in board shorts with a towel draped over his shoulders and waited for me to finish chewing my bottom lip.
"Umm
." It was all I could think of saying. I didn't want to go, and now I'd had a few moments to catch my breath, I realised that leaving would be tantamount to blithering stupidity. And still he waited.
"Can we talk somewhere?"
"In private you mean?"
I didn't know why, but I felt I could tell him anything and I'd be safe, and probably get good advice back. Then again, I'd thought exactly the same thing about Nick less than a day ago.
"Yeah, if you don't mind?"
He looked at me for a long moment, his face serious.
"Ok, surely," and patting me on the arm, he set off up the corridor. "Follow me; we'll use Jamal's bedroom, that should set the cat amongst the pigeons."
The corridor ended at a pair of ornate doors partly decorated with comic book decoupage panels. I started grinning; I couldn't help myself. There was one scene with Wile E. Coyote getting blown up by his own Acme bomb, along with the Fantastic Four, Spiderman, and Dick Dastardly. The Road Runner, at ten times his normal size, was looking on in glee.
"You like?"
"Nope, I love!" I said, laughing, "who did them?"
"Martin and JJ. Sellick helped with the varnishing."
"That's just so
." I began to choke up again. These people whom I hardly knew had such a great group relationship going on, and I felt so alone.
John pushed the door open. The bedroom was unsurprisingly huge, with a large canopied bed, a small seating area facing a wall-mounted plasma screen and open French windows, leading onto what I presumed was another balcony.
"Outside or in?" He looked at me.
"Outside's probably good. I don't know His Highness, and being in his bedroom is
."
"Ok, though he really wouldn't mind, and he's Jamal. Call him 'Your Highness' and he'll probably have Rajit kill you."
"I
erm
."
"Seriously!" He was looking serious, and I wasn't sure what to think until he grinned again and punched me lightly on the arm. "I'm kidding, Gabriel, I'm kidding." He led me out onto the balcony which was shielded at both sides by planting and had a stupendous view right across the park.
"Drink?" He pulled back a section of ivy-covered trellis to reveal a well-stocked fridge.
"Please, Pepsi, if there is one." He passed me a can, took one himself, and pulling the tabs, we sat down in a couple of wicker chairs. I drank half the can and then couldn't stop the belch. John laughed and followed suit.
I was feeling more and more relaxed in his company, and the panic I had gone through earlier had almost disappeared.
"Love's a very difficult thing to qualify." As John spoke, a blackbird started singing close by, and I was instantly taken back to the lyrics from a McCartney song Caitlin had made me listen to the year before.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
I knew exactly what he meant, and because of it the panic that had reared to the surface like a wounded wildebeest subsided. Still, I had to ask."What do you mean?"
"I don't know you at all, but I do know Martin. We're brothers -- not in blood, though we are that too
." He paused and I could see he was unsure how to carry on.
"Go on, please, and by the way, I'm Gabe to my friends." He chuckled, and I saw that he was starting to get goose bumps. "You're cold."
"Yeah," he said, getting up and heading for the door, "back in a sec, Gabe." I smiled, stood up and strolled over to the edge of the balcony. I could make out the top of the skate park's half pipe in between the trees, as well as the roof gardens of the department store on the high street.
"Great view, huh?" John's return startled me. He'd put on a pair of sweat pants and shirt.
"Yeah, fantastic. Who else lives here?" I walked back to the seating area and reclaimed my chair from a grey and white cat that was busy cleaning herself. She seemed put out, but as soon as I sat down she jumped up onto my lap.
"Uh
well, you'd have to ask Jamal that
wow, Whooshe likes you. That's great. She's normally really aloof and won't go near strangers."
"Yeah, cats are cool. We can't have them at home 'cause my sister is allergic to them." I started tickling her behind the ears and was instantly rewarded by a deep purr. "So
you were saying?" I glanced at him as he pursed his lips, took a deep breath and looked fixedly at his hands.
"I knew I loved JJ ages before I got to tell him
in fact I nearly lost him before I got to tell him." I could hear John was getting emotional, but I didn't know why or what to say to help, so I said nothing. He carried on: "What I'm trying to say is that
love is
it's very precious and fleeting and if you
if you have the chance, get given the opportunity, don't hide from it, don't pass it up. And
." He looked up for the first time and caught me watching him. We both smiled.
"And?"
"And Martin has been talking about you for well over a year."
"Twenty-three months, three weeks, two days and
well, if you want the hours and seconds, just ask. The thing is, it wasn't me. It's not the 'me' who's sitting here that he likes, it's the 'me' he knows online."
"So you're saying what, exactly? That you don't like him?"
"No!
yes
um
no. I was attracted to him today, even before he mentioned who we both were, but I've
I've got a tutor called Nick and I almost
well, I would have
and I
."
"Ah, but you didn't."
"No." I spoke quietly, then, feeling a burst of anxious energy rush though my body, I got up and walked back to the railings. It was getting late and the street lights were starting to come on. The park began to look vaguely menacing and I shivered, glad that I hadn't left earlier; partly because I usually ended up regretting things I did in anger, but mainly because I was still wearing the wretched djellaba.
I looked down the ten stories to the ground. The apartment building was situated in a quiet side street, and parked on the other side of the road was a white panel van. It caught my attention because through its sun roof I could see the head of a man sitting inside. He was wearing headphones.
"Hey, John, look at that," I said, pointing. He looked, then grabbed my arm and pulled me back, away from the railings.
"Ok, time to get inside and speak to the others, I think," he said, propelling me inside Jamal's room and back out into the corridor.
"But I
."
"We seem to be under surveillance. It's time we all knew what was going on, and just what we're getting into."
I was getting fed up with not being in charge of my own future.
"Look John, I really appreciate the chance to talk to you. You make a lot of sense, and JJ is a lucky guy to have you, but I
."
We were walking by the lift when it pinged. The doors opened and a guy who looked rather like a young Brad Pitt got out, grabbed John around the neck and gave him a hug. I was grinning at their antics when I saw that behind a large metal trunk on wheels stood John 'fucking shit for brains' Simpson, Brian's brother. Luckily, he was looking in the other direction, gawping, much as I had, at the decor. I instinctively stepped behind John Palmer and tried the nearest door handle, which opened onto the emergency stairwell I'd been looking for earlier. I ducked behind the door, but kept it open a crack to listen.
"Mmmph
let me go you dork!"
The reply was whispered by the Brad Pitt look-alike, and I only just caught it."Only if you take this idiot off my hands, and say 'pretty please' too!" I felt myself starting to grin as I realised he must have been talking about John Simpson, who was still in the lift. "Oh, and ya gotta tell me who disappeared into the stairwell wearing one of Jamal's dresses."
I opened the door fully and improvised.
"John, Brad," I nodded at them both, "see you in a minute," and walked straight past the lift without saying any more, though I could see John Simpson's appalled look out of the corner of my eye. I could hear them both laughing as I made a beeline for the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I spotted my clothes that had been cleaned and returned, and sighed with relief.
During the short amount of time I'd been at the apartment, it seemed I'd spent most of it in the bathroom, and I wondered who would put in a appearance next. I didn't have long to wait: it was Brad.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself." I was sitting on the same bench as earlier and still hadn't changed out of the djellaba.
"I'm Dan."
"Oh good, I didn't think you were a Brad, though as far as looks go
."
"You like Brad Pitt, do you?" He was teasing.
"Sure, good actor, especially in the films he acts well in." I started to pull the robe over my head, and then realised he might take it the wrong way and stopped. "Please tell me you're not a friend of that shithead John
."
I didn't have a chance to finish as he caught me in a throat hold.
"Yes, I am, he's my best friend, and if I ever hear you make disparaging remarks about him again I won't be so nice." He let me go, and it took all my self-control not to crumple to the floor.
"
Simpson, John bloody Simpson, you arse," I croaked. He had his hand on the door handle as I spoke, and turned around blushing.
"Oh
well, why on earth didn't you say so
sorry about that throat thing
," he pointed vaguely at my neck, "
we learnt it in Judo last term."
"Well duh, I didn't have a chance." I was beginning to see the funny side, though I thought I'd keep it to myself for the time being. I stood up and gingerly offered him my hand.
"Gabriel Dawson, but please call me Gabe, provided you don't want to throttle me again."
"Nice to meet you, I'm Dan, and John, that's John Palmer, is my best friend." We shook hands, and the tension evaporated. Dan sat down, and I walked over to the sink and examined my neck in the mirror.
"That hurts."
"Sorry, but that's actually the point."
"Well poop. I thought martial arts were all about self-defence, not about wounding helpless visitors who just happen to hate someone with the same first name as your best friend." I raised my eyebrow at him in the mirror.
"Umm."
"See, the pen is mightier than the sword, or some such."
"Huh."
"So how did you like it when John left you for JJ?" I knew I was pushing it, and was pleased to see him try and hide a smile. He fired straight back.
"Martin said you were good. Speaking of which; do you love him?" I flushed and turned around to face him, wondering how many people knew, which I immediately realised was a pointless question, seeing as they were all friends.
"Touchι, Dan ... and honestly
probably yes." It was another defining moment, and I'd had too many of them in the last couple of days. We stared at each other in silence. "Yes, I think I really do." Dan got up and slowly held out his hand again.
"I'm Dan Smith and it is really good to know you, Gabriel Dawson." We shook again, and I felt my eyes begin to water, then took a deep breath before continuing.
"I'm gonna get changed here, so stay if you want to perve my arse, or go tart with your friends if you don't, 'k?"
"Sheesh, what'd I do to deserve that?" he grinned, slapped me on the back and chuckling, left. I sat down, then realised I had no idea what John Simpson was actually doing here.
I pulled the djellaba over my head and was just about to step into my jeans when the phone rang. I walked over and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Umm
."
"Hi, Martin." I knew it was him; the shiver that started in my neck and ran all the way down to the small of my back told me so. I was kinda glad no one could see my grin either.
"Yeah," he answered quietly, "I'm so sorry to have sprung all that on you. It was just that I was so
."
"I know," I interrupted, "and I'm sorry I ran off
I
we need to talk."
"Yeah, but that's gonna have to be a bit later. Dan says you're changing, so when you've finished we're all in the big room."
"I'm not good in a crowd of strangers."
"They're friends."
"Yeah, your friends, Martin."
"But you've already met them. I don't understand. And anyway they are your friends, they really are."
I sighed. It was more of an internal 'bloody hell - no choice - I have to do this -I'm gonna hate it' sort of sigh, but it obviously didn't come out like that, 'cause Martin giggled and said, "Don't be such a drama queen
Gabe."
It was another defining moment, as it had been when Son Of Neo had first called me that on-line. Then I'd been really angry, had terminated chat, and we hadn't spoken for three days until I had started to miss him so much it hurt. I'd thought about it and realised that I did tend to act like a 'drama queen' when I was stressed. So I'd emailed and apologised, and then he'd started to use it flippantly, and whenever I'd start to behave irrationally.
The pause was getting too long, so I coughed. "Right as usual, mon brave."
"I love your voice."
"Huh?
I mean
."
"No, really, I think you've got a wonderful voice
it goes with your
."
"Is this phone sex? 'cause if it is I rather like it."
"Umm, perhaps you'd better come in, we're all wai ...." There was a muffled 'squark', then Sellick came on the line.
"Gabe, get your arse in here before I have to come and get you, and
," his voice went up an octave, "
oh, Gabey wabey, I love your voice too!" He hung up laughing. I hung up and watched myself go red in the mirror.
Chapter 4
Index
Chapter 6
Seraph by Camy © 2006/2007/2008
Thanks to Kitty, for all the editorial input and tweaking.
She has made this tale much, much better than it was. Gassho.
